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Got Hugs? Got Intimacy? Got Time?

Posted by on May 6, 2015 in Relationships, Secrets of Effective Communication | 0 comments

Big theme over here at HandTales.
Intimacy is all about the heart It all started with a guided meditation about my heart. This led to a series of dreams about intimacy – the kind of openhearted, warm and fuzzy connection with another kind of dreams. Just so you know, I don’t have dreams like this …. until now. Which then led to giving and receiving more hugs – real mindful, blood pressure reducing hugs. Which led to the subject of this month’s musing.

I’ve really been tuning into intimacy. What is it? Do you have it in your life? If you need or want more of it how do you create it? This is a common theme for my clients. I’ll add my family and friends here too! Hmmm! Is this a universal quest?

Now take me and intimacy. I’m a bit on the invulnerable/not sure about how comfortable I am at opening my heart to someone. Don’t need anyone – been there done that – was married for 30 years. Too busy to get cozy and warm-fuzzy. Care deeply about others but not in that full merging of feelings kind of caring; more in the “how can I help you and I’m willing to listen” kind. Is this a trust thing? Am I afraid of true intimacy? Is that just my personality? Probably a blend of all of the above. I’m figuring it out for myself and hope my musings here will help you too.


First, I invite you to check out last month’s HandTales blog on Resistance which was mostly about practicing mindfulness which I believe leads to true connection with self and others. Becoming more mindful in everything you do and with everyone you come in contact with builds intimacy. I’m particularly thinking about hugs. Since I wrote that post, I’ve given and gotten lots of hugs. Real intimate, warm, connecting, relaxing into each other hugs.


…. for you non-huggers – check out the link above and just try a real full-on hug once this month. Surrender to it – trust me you won’t disappear, get eaten alive or lose some part of yourself. It’s scary for some real reasons for some of us, but so worth it when you find the right person.


How about a definition of intimacy? When I looked up images and quotes, not surprising, I got lots of couples entwined, ways to have better sex and stuff like that. This is an important part of intimacy. I believe, tho’, that understanding deep intimacy with self, pets and wild creatures, the natural world around us, and a kind of intimacy with strangers have to come first before you can experience deep physical connection with a partner.

Here are some definitions of Intimacy with my additions:

Togetherness, affinity, rapport, affection, warmth, familiarity, friendship, sexual relations and a warm, cozy atmosphere.

My additions: Dancing with a partner, especially the Tango; full body hugs, knowing how to give and receive support; truly listening to your partner/friend; being honest. Please, create your own list and images.


And this is what I believe:



How do you find real intimacy – authentic connection – unconditional love? Check out a blog post I did a while back based on a presentation I have been doing for years. Think of it as a good starting point. Oh, don’t forget…the mindful hugs are your starting point, then explore Four Ways to Find the One You are Looking For. I have a fifth one – about ducks and shaking it off – contact me and I’ll add it to the picture for you! Like the hugs, it’s a kinesthetic experience that should be practiced every day.

Teach or speak about what you need most. Guess it’s intimacy. So my dreams and hugs are leading me back to true connection. Do I have stories to tell! Bet you do too and would LOVE to hear them. Please add in the comments below or contact me JANET@HANDTALES.COM.

May you find that love and closeness you deserve.


~ Janet

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